To Change a Life

To change something in your life is to change, essentially, who you are. I thought, at first, that writing of what I'd change in my life versus something I'd change about myself was less annoying – less self-deprecating, somehow – than the latter option. And maybe it is.

But it's definitely not easier.

There was a man named David Mitchell (I don't know who he actually is, but maybe you do), who once said something that I really like. He said: “...there ain't no journey what don't change you some.”

Is that not the pure and simple truth? And what is life if it is not a journey? So then, I would say – and even venture to say that this Mr. Mitchell would agree – that all of us are shaped by the journey that is our lives, i.e. changed by the journey that is our lives. So then, to ask someone what they would change about their lives is, at it's root, the same as asking someone what they would change about themselves.

However, the twist comes when we look at the fact that most of us can think of several things that we would change about ourselves fairly easily. It is much more difficult, though, to think of something that we would change in our lives. (Or maybe that's just me, but for the sake of argument, I'm going to assume I'm not the only one like this.) Can I really imagine removing a person from my life, removing an event from my life, or even somehow cramming another event into my life somewhere in the limited space of time that has been my life so far?

Every life event that I have experienced – good, bad, difficult, joyful – has been inseparably connected to every other event I've lived through. If I were to remove one, wouldn't the whole fabric of my life fall apart? If I were to add one, wouldn't it change every event that came after it and change my view of every event that had come before it? Aren't our lives woven together in such a way that to change one thing is to change everything? And if we were to change one thing and thereby change everything about our lives, would they really be our lives anymore? Would it really be my life anymore? Isn't who I am a product of the very life course that has shaped me, which would mean that changing that course would inevitably completely change who I am?

Maybe these kind of questions aren't meant to be dissected so thoroughly when they're presented. Maybe they're presented as self-help-guide kinds of questions. But, somehow, that seems dangerous to me. Inciting people to think about what they would change about themselves or their lives without actually desiring to help them change it seems cruel. And if you present the question because you do want to help someone change in the way that they desire, you will be unsuccessful in helping bring about the change if you don't recognize the way that the person has been shaped to be who they are and led to the place they are at by a whole fabric that is not only that person's life so far, but is also the very journey that has made that person into who they are. They cannot be separated from that.

Maybe these questioned aren't actually great for encouraging change in the pure sense of the word. Maybe these kinds of questions are actually better for encouraging thoughtfulness – and even thankfulness. They make you think about who you are and, more importantly, all that has taken place in your life to lead you to this point. Even if where you are now and who you are now isn't where and who you want to be, it is still somewhere. You have not remained static. You have changed. And that means that there is opportunity for more change. If we have the capacity to change for the worst (which every one of us does – there can't be an argument there), then we are also endued with the capacity to change for the best. But it will not happen instantly; it has to be a part of the journey called Life.